What is the ick in dating and relationships?

We’ve all been there: everything seems perfect at first, but suddenly, something small, how they laugh, text, or even chew, makes you lose all attraction. That sudden feeling of discomfort or cringe is what people call the ick. But what exactly is it, and why does it happen so suddenly when dating someone new?

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What is the ick in dating and relationships


What Does “The Ick” Mean in Dating?

The ick in dating refers to a sudden feeling of disgust or loss of attraction toward someone you were previously interested in. It often appears unexpectedly and can make continuing the relationship feel uncomfortable or even impossible.

Psychologists describe the ick as an emotional defense mechanism. It’s your brain’s way of signaling that something about the connection feels off, even if the reason seems small or irrational. According to a 2024 dating study by The Gottman Institute, nearly 68% of daters report experiencing the ick during the early stages of dating.


Common Triggers of “The Ick”

  1. Over-Familiarity Too Soon
    When someone acts like you’re already in a long-term relationship after just a few dates, it can trigger discomfort.

  2. Poor Communication Habits
    Texting too much, too little, or too clingy often causes that emotional pullback.

  3. Inauthentic Behavior
    Trying too hard to impress can feel unnatural. Authenticity is always more attractive.

  4. Mismatch in Energy or Values
    Sometimes, the ick happens when your vibe doesn’t align with theirs, it’s not personal, just incompatibility.

💡 On Hullo, you can hear someone’s real voice before matching, which helps reduce these mismatches and makes connections feel more genuine.


Why Do We Feel “The Ick”?

The ick often appears when your subconscious notices red flags before your conscious mind does. It can be a signal that something doesn’t align emotionally, mentally, or physically.

Interestingly, neuroscientists found that the ick activates the brain’s insula, the same area responsible for processing disgust. That’s why it feels so intense and hard to ignore.


How to Tell If It’s the Ick or Just Fear of Intimacy

Sometimes, the ick isn’t about the other person at all, it’s about your own emotional blocks.

Ask yourself:

  • Do I feel uncomfortable because of something real or because vulnerability scares me?

  • Am I expecting perfection instead of authenticity?

  • Do I push people away when things start to get real?

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Can You Get Over “The Ick”?

Sometimes, yes. If the ick is based on something minor, giving it time might help. But if it’s rooted in deeper emotional incompatibility, it’s better to walk away with clarity.

Here are ways to approach it mindfully:

  1. Reflect on what triggered it instead of reacting instantly.

  2. Communicate openly if you’re already dating seriously.

  3. Focus on emotional connection instead of surface-level flaws.

  4. Choose authenticity over performance.

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The Bright Side of “The Ick”

Although it feels unpleasant, the ick can actually protect you. It’s your intuition reminding you of what feels off or misaligned. Embracing that awareness helps you grow emotionally and make better dating choices.

Hullo encourages this kind of mindful dating by focusing on emotional connection first. Hearing someone’s tone, confidence, and sincerity helps you sense compatibility before meeting, saving time and heartache.


The ick is a real and common part of dating. It’s not always a bad thing, it’s a sign of your emotional awareness and evolving standards. Instead of fighting it, learn from it. Let it guide you toward connections that feel authentic and emotionally safe.

If you’re ready to date with more clarity and less confusion, explore Hullo at ullo.dating.


People Also Ask

1. Is getting the ick normal in dating?
Yes. Most people experience it, especially in early dating stages when small behaviors trigger emotional disconnection.

2. Can the ick go away?
Sometimes. If it’s caused by fear or unfamiliarity, it might fade with time and communication.

3. How can I avoid getting the ick too quickly?
Focus on emotional depth over perfection. Apps like Hullo help you connect authentically by letting you hear real voices before chatting.