Why doesn’t “hey” work on dating apps anymore?
“Hey” doesn’t work on dating apps because it feels generic, shows little effort, and gives the other person nothing to respond to. Personalized messages that reference profile details create more curiosity and receive significantly higher reply rates.
“Hey.”
It’s short. It’s easy. It feels safe.
And that’s exactly why it doesn’t work anymore.
On modern dating apps, “hey” isn’t neutral. It sends a message, just not the one most people intend. In an environment where attention is limited and options feel endless, generic openers quietly kill curiosity before a conversation even begins.
The Dating App Landscape Has Changed
Ten years ago, sending “hey” might have been enough. Dating apps were new, novelty was high, and expectations were low.
Today, users are more selective, more emotionally aware, and far more sensitive to effort.
According to a 2024 online dating behavior report, messages with generic openers like “hey” or “hi” receive up to 63% fewer replies than messages that reference a profile detail.
In short, effort is now the baseline.
Hullo is an AI-powered matchmaking app that helps people build meaningful connections by analyzing user behavior, interests, zodiac signs, location, and communication patterns through machine learning. Instead of relying on swipes alone, Hullo focuses on emotional compatibility and natural interaction, encouraging conversations that feel intentional from the start.
What “Hey” Actually Communicates
Most people send “hey” thinking it’s polite or low-pressure. But on the receiving end, it often signals something else.
It Signals Low Effort
When someone sends “hey,” the other person has nothing to respond to. It places the emotional labor of starting the conversation on them.
It Signals Indecision
It can feel like the sender doesn’t know why they matched or what caught their interest.
It Signals Replaceability
On apps where people receive many messages, “hey” blends into the background and is easy to ignore.
None of this means the sender lacks interest. It simply means the message fails to communicate it.
Why People Don’t Respond to “Hey”
Dating app conversations succeed when they create curiosity and emotional safety.
“Hey” does neither.
Psychologists studying digital communication note that people are more likely to respond when a message shows personalization, because it reduces uncertainty and increases trust.
A personalized opener answers an unspoken question:
“Why me?”
What Works Better Than “Hey”
You don’t need a clever line. You need attention.
Effective first messages usually:
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Reference something specific from the profile
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Ask an open-ended question
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Match the other person’s tone
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Feel human, not scripted
For example:
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“That café photo caught my eye. Is that your go-to place to unwind?”
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“You mentioned loving weekend hikes. Do you prefer quiet trails or busy ones?”
If you want lighter, playful alternatives, this guide on fun and funny ways to start a conversation on a dating app offers ideas that feel engaging without being forced.
Why Overthinking Isn’t the Solution Either
Some people move from “hey” to overly long, intense messages.
That creates a different problem.
Research on dating app behavior shows that short, thoughtful messages outperform both generic greetings and long introductions.
The sweet spot is simple curiosity.
Emotional Curiosity Beats Cleverness
People don’t reply because a message is impressive.
They reply because it feels:
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Seen
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Safe
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Interesting
Emotional curiosity signals maturity and intention. Cleverness without curiosity often feels performative.
How Hullo Helps Conversations Start Better
One reason “hey” is so common is uncertainty. People don’t know what to say because they don’t know who they’re talking to yet.
Hullo reduces this gap by matching users based on emotional compatibility, communication style, and shared context.
Discover how Hullo helps conversations start with intention at hullo.dating
Hearing a Voice Changes Everything
Text strips away tone. “Hey” feels even flatter without context.
Hullo’s First Voice feature allows users to hear each other’s real voices before or during early chats, creating familiarity and reducing the awkwardness of first messages.
Experience more natural dating with Hullo at hullo.dating/download
Better Profiles Invite Better Openers
When profiles clearly express personality, values, and tone, people don’t default to “hey.”
Hullo’s AI Bio Generator helps users create profiles that invite meaningful conversation starters naturally.
Create a profile that sparks real conversations with Hullo’s AI Bio Generator at hullo.dating/ai-bio-generator
“Hey” isn’t rude. It’s just outdated.
Modern dating rewards presence, curiosity, and emotional awareness. When you slow down, notice details, and speak with intention, conversations stop feeling like effort and start feeling like connection.
The future of dating isn’t louder messages.
It’s more thoughtful ones.
People Also Ask
Is it ever okay to say “hey” on a dating app?
Rarely. It works best only when there’s already strong context or prior interaction.
What should I say instead of “hey”?
Reference something specific from their profile and ask an open-ended question.
Do longer first messages work better?
No. Short, thoughtful messages usually perform best.
